Friday, December 30, 2011

Roid Jesus

His father demanded so much. No matter how many souls saved, how many lepers cured or dead friends raised, it was never good enough. There was always some other demigod doing one better in his Father's eyes. But Jesus was the son of a lonely carpenter, how was he to keep pace with other demigods, like Hercules and CĂș Chulainn? Eventually the pressure to save souls faster and faster grew too much and Jesus started down the wrong path. First, it started with protein shakes. Then it became excessive hours at the gym, but it quickly became something far more dangerous. Sure, the steroids helped Jesus save more souls in a single year than had ever been done before, but his record was tarnished. In all of the record books, his numbers are always followed by a little dagger of shame.

(Also, the years of steroid abuse led to massive testicular damage. Which in turn led Jesus to be rejected from heaven, based on a loose interpretation of Deuteronomy 23:1.)

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