Friday, December 30, 2011

Dear Little Richard Miller,

As per your request, my answer is no, hell no.

Jesus H. Christ

(P.S. Sorry about the arms and legs. There was a clerical error.)

Roid Jesus

His father demanded so much. No matter how many souls saved, how many lepers cured or dead friends raised, it was never good enough. There was always some other demigod doing one better in his Father's eyes. But Jesus was the son of a lonely carpenter, how was he to keep pace with other demigods, like Hercules and CĂș Chulainn? Eventually the pressure to save souls faster and faster grew too much and Jesus started down the wrong path. First, it started with protein shakes. Then it became excessive hours at the gym, but it quickly became something far more dangerous. Sure, the steroids helped Jesus save more souls in a single year than had ever been done before, but his record was tarnished. In all of the record books, his numbers are always followed by a little dagger of shame.

(Also, the years of steroid abuse led to massive testicular damage. Which in turn led Jesus to be rejected from heaven, based on a loose interpretation of Deuteronomy 23:1.)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Joseph was a bad parent.

Later, baby Jesus was treated for severe frostbite, while Joseph, Mary and Santa were arrested for child endangerment.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Jesus dunking.

Some say that Jesus dunking on little Sally Smith was a show of poor sportsmanship. After all Sally was but 11 years old, and Jesus was the Son of God. But anyone who met little Sally would agree-- the bitch deserved it.

Of course God is against (wink) the (wink) Gays (wink).

This picture leads to so many questions. Like, Why does such a large angel have such a small scroll? Also why is it that whenever you have a giant gold-skinned naked angel, there is also a well place cumulus cloud floating by?