Jesus' little beady eyes.....

Go ahead, try not to have nightmares.

Rebel Jesus.

We all go through rebellious phases.  And as rebellious phases go, Jesus wasn't exactly a hell-fire rebel.  However, according to Leviticus 19:28, it is a sin to mark oneself with a tattoo.  As a result, Jesus Christ Son of God, as banished with the rest of the sinners to the lake of fire.  


Say what you will about the justice of torturing someone for an enterity for what is a minor crime, but at least God is consistent.

50 ft jesus

According to the ancient prophesies, the only way to kill the fifty foot Jesus is to cut of the head.  This task was deemed nearly impossible, until the invention of the modern construction crane. 

Changing customs

According to Revelation 19, in the end of days, Christ marries his bride and ushers in a new era of perfect peace.   However, the marriage was arranged 2000 years ago in the Palestine.  Customs and laws were different then.  Thus, before Jesus can bring a 1000 years of perfect peace, He has to spend 10 to 20 years in the big house.  

Bad B.O.

And Jesus spoke "Shit, I knew I should have worn deodorant." 

Sometimes I think I understand.

The flying napkin looked as the two giant static hands of God copped a feel while big head Jesus looked on, and raver Jesus cried. 

Scandinavia Christ

It is a common mistake to believe that the events described in the New Testament occurred in the Middle East. However, if one examines most of the art work, the people depicted are clearly Caucasian of northern European descent. Since at the time, there were few if any Vikings in the Middle East, one can safely assume that the Jerusalem and Bethlehem mentioned in the Gospels are actually Jerüsalemk, Norway and Bëthleshemk, Sweden.